Entry #13
Wow... this is just middle of the night, I am not really one to have nightmares, but this one had happened a few times before. Can you really call something a nightmare if it has happened already? I mean I do keep living through Father's last day with the living. He died like he would have wanted to, but that doesn't stop it from tearing me apart every now and then. A person can be as strong as anything on the outside, but when it comes to that one subject...that one memory. I turn into a little girl again, even though I have my Mother's sword here next to me, even if I have full plate protecting me and even if I spent the last five years building my strength and fighting ability.
I can overpower a man twice my size, I can and have defended myself against bears in the past with minimal effort, still there are those moments in my life where I burst into tears and I just wish I could hug my father. He would be proud of how strong I have become, but he would insist I never let this get to me but I just can't help it some times. Losing a loved one is painful for everyone. I guess it is just that much harder for the frail little girl who had to run away from home and Father just to remain alive. He saved the lives of my mother, Adelle and I at the price of his own life... wish I made sense but I do wish I could have helped him. I think I am going to go back to sleep, hopefully I get a good dream this time.
Anette
Wow... this is just middle of the night, I am not really one to have nightmares, but this one had happened a few times before. Can you really call something a nightmare if it has happened already? I mean I do keep living through Father's last day with the living. He died like he would have wanted to, but that doesn't stop it from tearing me apart every now and then. A person can be as strong as anything on the outside, but when it comes to that one subject...that one memory. I turn into a little girl again, even though I have my Mother's sword here next to me, even if I have full plate protecting me and even if I spent the last five years building my strength and fighting ability.
I can overpower a man twice my size, I can and have defended myself against bears in the past with minimal effort, still there are those moments in my life where I burst into tears and I just wish I could hug my father. He would be proud of how strong I have become, but he would insist I never let this get to me but I just can't help it some times. Losing a loved one is painful for everyone. I guess it is just that much harder for the frail little girl who had to run away from home and Father just to remain alive. He saved the lives of my mother, Adelle and I at the price of his own life... wish I made sense but I do wish I could have helped him. I think I am going to go back to sleep, hopefully I get a good dream this time.
Anette
This entry honestly doesn't read like a diary entry. It doesn't read at all like a woman in an emotionally fragile state. Maybe if it were written after a day of reflection on the dream, it would sound like this, but not being written in the middle of the night after waking from a nightmare. Not based on what you've written the character to be so far.
ReplyDeleteOn another note, you keep dangling tantalizing details just out of reach - we your readers want to know what happened! This would have been a great time to tell us - she just woke up from a terrible dream: have her describe it! Give us details on what happened, how, and why!
It doesn't on a later read through at all, that is very true. Thanks for pointing that out and giving me a chance to read this one again.
DeleteYeah, I did, Sorry about that, I was under the mindset that she would be wanting to go back to sleep more than describe what happened. Hard for me to write in the view of a woman in such emotional distress on this one it seems.
Thanks for the feedback though, glad to hear what I am doing right and wrong.